Friday's Random Thoughts

George Clooney For the Cure™

Unless you've been living in a cave, you've probably heard about the uproar over the Susan G. Komen For the Cure Foundation pulling funding from Planned Parenthood.

Now, according to news reports, SGK is backpedaling and saying PP will continue to be eligible for grants. I'd say the damage is done, though. The truth is that SGK has become a bit of a corporate beast these days and is controlled by political interests. They need to rethink some of the excessive commercialization of pink and pink ribbons. (see trailer below) Don't believe me? Go here. Or look at this >>>

While reading the stories online, I found out that the Susan G. Komen Foundation spends about $1 million a year suing organizations for using the phrase "for the cure."

In fact, the foundation has filed legal trademark oppositions against more than a hundred small charities, including Kites for a Cure, Par for The Cure, Surfing for a Cure and Cupcakes for a Cure. According to reports, most of these organizations are too small and underfunded to survive the legal fight. 

No, I'm not a doctor but I played one on TV.

Susan G. Komen claims they own the word "cure" in a foundation name. Are you kidding me? This is some bull shit, that's what this is.

Is this a good way to spend $1 million a year that should be going to research? To quote the great Stephen Colbert, "If they don't own the phrase 'for the Cure,' then people might donate money thinking it's going to an organization dedicated to curing cancer, when instead it's wasted on organizations dedicated to curing cancer."

I'm thinking of changing the name of my blog to Vodka Cranberry Clooney For the Cure.™ My organization will bring George Clooney to your house to give you a breast exam. That's right, ladies and some gentlemen. After your exam, you get a free vodka cranberry cocktail and you get to say you once dated George Clooney for five minutes. You know, just like every other person he's dated in the past.

If that doesn't cure what ails you, nothing will. If that wouldn't help early detection of breast cancer, NOTHING WILL.

So sue me, Susan G. Komen Foundation For The Cure.

Everyone else, please feel free to donate to my important organization or, instead, you can donate to Planned Parenthood here.

Helmet Hair

5 Hour Energy really works!

If you've been paying attention to the SGK thing, you know that Nancy Brinker, founder and CEO, has helmet hair. This got me thinking about Newt Gingrich's wife, Callista, who also has a serious case of helmet hair.

Look, vote however you want, but someone explain to me why so many Republican women have hideous hair. Please, ladies, step away from the hairspray, for God's sake!

Look at Callista Gingrich. Did you know she is 45 years old? 45! Oh my God, is this what 45 looks like? Sure, her skin looks nice, but she seems like she's 60 years old with that damn hair, doesn't she?

I'm reminded of the great, fictional Jack Donaghy who said, "Hair movement is a sign of weakness."

This is what Callista used to look like back when she and Newt were just having an extramarital affair. Imagine what some time married to Newt could do for America's good looks.

Let's Talk About George Some More

George Clooney was on Inside the Actors Studio the other night. No surprise, he was funny and charming and gorgeous. The man is a true movie star.

The part that really struck me, though, was when he spoke about Darfur and his work to bring attention to the genocide there. He raises about $3 million a year to rent a satellite that takes images of Darfur. They've identified mass graves and the footage has been used to indict the defense minister on war crimes against humanity.

But he referred to himself and Don Cheadle, when they won the Summit Peace Award, as failures. Why, James Lipton asked?

"Nothing is different from the time we started. You have to understand, knowing about something does not change it and never has...You always hear 'Never again. If we'd known about Auschwitz, if we'd known about Cambodia, if we'd known about Rwanda, we would have done something different.' The fact is we didn't and we haven't...Were lives continuing to be lost when I gave that speech? Yes."

"Shining a light on it does not ever make it simply go away."

He also said his favorite curse word is "dipshit."

Sorry. It felt like it was getting a little serious up in here.

Confession: The Truth About George

I'm going to share something with you all that I shared with Erin and Stephanie last weekend. It's about my George Clooney fantasies and what usually happens in them.

Are you ready? It's pretty graphic.

We meet.

And then...

We become really good friends.

I'm digging these highlights.

Yep, that's pretty much how it goes. I vary how we meet, but it usually involves my best-selling, award-winning memoir and the subsequent deal to turn it into an award-winning movie starring Sandra Bullock as me. But it pretty much always ends up that we're good friends and he thinks I'm really funny.

It's not really surprising that, nearly 6 years after my divorce, I'm still single, is it?

Maybe I like George so much because we seem to have the same commitment issues.

Maybe I just have this deep-rooted belief that good friends are always there for you.

And men leave.

A Moment of Silence

George Clooney's most recent ex-girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (not to be confused with his next ex-girlfriend Stacy Keibler) is apparently now dating Steve-O. Yes, that Steve-O, the guy from Jackass.

I feel like we should have a moment of silence for this poor woman. I mean, this is the saddest thing I can imagine. You go from dating George Clooney to dating a guy who once stapled his scrotum to his leg?

Oh the humanity!

Now here's a photo to gross you out.

English is my second language. What does disgusting dipshit mean? 

Post-Anna Karenina Book Review

As soon as I finished AK, I picked up The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta. I checked it out of the library last week, along with The Beautiful and Damned, and it's been taunting me ever since, waiting for me to finish up with those damn Russians.


The Leftovers is about what happens after a Rapture-like event and how it affects one family. It's excellent. Read it.

I enjoyed it so much that I wished I hadn't read it so quickly. But I wanted to finish it by February so I could move on to The Beautiful and Damned.

Tom Perrotta also wrote Little Children, which is also excellent.


Bookstores Make Me Happy

Earlier this week, a good friend sent me a link to a story about the 20 most beautiful bookstores in the world. I'm pretty sure I could spend a thousand hours in Shakespeare and Company in Paris, France.

If I was an animated creature, I'd be a mouse who lives in this bookstore. 

Ooh, I just remembered an excellent book I read several years ago, at the recommendation of my good friend Lane Crockett, so here's another random book review. 

Firmin: Adventures of a Metropolitan Lowlife by Sam Savage is about a rat born in a Boston bookstore. He learns to read and, because of his newfound love of words, finds himself alienated from his family but still unable to communicate with the humans he loves. 

From Publishers Weekly: "With this alternately whimsical and earnest paean to the joys of literature, Savage embodies writerly self-doubts and yearning in a precocious rat: 'I have had a hard time facing up to the blank stupidity of an ordinary, unstoried life.'"

If, instead of an fictional animal, I was a Disney princess, I'd definitely be Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Which brings me to this, which is sort of hilarious:

And Lastly...

My best friend and personal blog consultant Tina Rollman introduced me to this song and it is awesome. It is the perfect song for those days when you wake up thinking about someone you thought you were totally over thinking about.

Happy Friday, everyone!