Standing Ovations Should Be For Amazing Performances Only

This seems to be an important lesson that an entire audience-full of Grammy viewers never learned.

I thought perhaps I was seeing things when the crowd stood up at the end of Taylor Swift's performance last night. Then I thought, "Oh, crap, everyone is leaving en masse because she sucks so very much and they've all had it!"

Then I realized they were actually giving that 12-year-old trapped in a 22-year-old's body a standing ovation.

Taylor sang a song called "Mean," because, you know, you guys, everyone is so mean to her. Famous boys break up with her, ohmyGod, and critics actually have the nerve to point out that she sings pretty badly. Oh, and it's an anti-bullying anthem so, apparently, before she sings it she has to take off her super-expensive gown and change into a floral dress from the Gap circa 1985.

While I was searching for a photo of Taylor Swift's stupid facial expression (the "Oh my God, you guys, I'm sooooo shocked!" face) upon seeing this undeserved show of respect, I came across this fantastic blog headline: Taylor Swift is a Slut-Shaming Purity Princess.

Well played, fellow blogger.

I also found this fantastic photo of Neil Patrick Harris observing Taylor at last night's awards show and finding her sorely lacking in awesomeness.

A standing ovation should be a mark of a highly-acclaimed performance. This was not it. If Taylor is singing, it never will be.

It's been obvious for years that the standing ovation doesn't really mean much anymore. I'm pretty certain I read that Sarah Palin got one at the CPAC conference over the weekend, if that tells you anything about the value of a standing ovation. Pretty much all you have to do to get one is make a joke about "hope and change, we should hope for change, you betcha," a joke that you hauled out of your 2009 edition of Conservative Jokes for Dummies at a Conservative Convention.

Or you can just sing really poorly at the Grammys. The standing ovation for Taylor seemed especially pathetic given that the memory of Whitney Houston, a true singing talent, loomed so large over the event.

Dammit, America, get it together! If you're going to stand up for something, make it worth your while, please.

"Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider."- George Carlin