Jane Seymour Must Be Stopped

It's that time of year again, my friends. Valentine's Day is Thursday so that means the return of all the jewelry commercials that made you want to vomit in December.

It's time to once again picture Jane Seymour in an art studio painting her "open heart" design on canvas after canvas after canvas. She is a woman standing around painting a squiggly backwards S over and over ad infinitum. They show her in one of the commercials painting the heart and I have to ask, "Why would you need to paint it more than once?

I will allow that she might have needed to paint a second canvas when she decided to add wings to the design to make it look like an angel.



I like to picture Jane muttering to herself and painting that godforsaken open heart until she goes insane like Jack from The Shining.

Open your heart.

All work and no talent make Jane a dull girl.

The commercial that makes me gag the most might be this one:

I'm getting a real creeper vibe from this guy.

It probably goes without saying that if the man to whom I was engaged gave my daughter an Open Heart necklace, the engagement would be off.

Because some things even love can't conquer.