Ten Reasons Objectifying the Men of Magic Mike Is Wrong

1. When you objectify Joe Mangianello in his fireman's outfit, you are not properly appreciating the sacrifices that first responders make to save lives.

2. When you watch Matt Bomer strip off his scrubs, you are not using your brain power to have intellectual debates about the Affordable Care Act.

3. When you watch these men strut around in ties and slacks, you are not thinking about important issues like capitalism and the economy.

4. When you look at American flag thongs, you are not showing proper respect for this great nation and the military men and women who fight for our freedom.

5. When you watch Channing Tatum use his tool thusly, you are not thinking about how America's infrastructure is crumbling.

6. When you look at Matthew McConaughey in his cowboy hat, you are not considering how cowboys are an essential part of this country's mythology. You are not thinking about Native Americans and the indignities they suffered. You are not reading a history book to better your mind.

7. When you watch Channing Tatum tear off his policeman's uniform, you are not appreciating the work of real law enforcement officers who put themselves in danger every day.

8. When you look at a shirtless man like this, you think suspenders are cool. You set up unreasonable expectations for all men. You think every man in suspenders should look like Joe Mangianello when most of them will look more like Mork from Ork.

9. When you look at gorgeous and wet Matt Bomer, you are not considering how much water Americans waste each year while people in other countries struggle every day to find clean water. You are not thinking about how you should turn off the faucet while you brush your teeth.

10. When you are looking at yet another photo of the incredibly beautiful Matt Bomer, you are not admiring the great thing he has done by being an out gay man. You are not thinking about the civil rights of millions of people who absolutely should have the right to marry whomever they choose. You are not doing anything to further gay rights.
Because you're thinking, "He's not gay in my mind. Nope. Not at all."

You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

So very...

very...

ashamed.