I've been struggling lately (always) with my desire to respond to people I find cruel, compassionless, misguided, and - in the case of one Facebook conservative who railed against people sucking on America's "titts" - willfully ignorant. Lest you think it was simply a typo, let me assure you that this individual used the word several times and spelled it wrong each time.
Really, man, are you so stupid you can't spell tits?
But I've said before that engaging in that sort of thing is like jumping into a pool of crap in an attempt to save people. You can try to teach someone the proper spelling for slang for a woman's breasts, but while you're doing it, the dumbness will overwhelm you. You will drown. The teeming masses will pull you under and you will end up smelling like shit, too.
Alas, even though I truly believe in my pool-of-crap analogy, it doesn't always keep me from wanting to dive into the deep end.
When a "friend" of my friend The Great Chris Talley™ responded to a post Chris made about Bill Clinton's skills as a speaker with this, "He's a GD liar!", and then proceeded to rant about how he is leaving this "socialist joke of a country" on November 4 for the sunny climes of Brazil, I about stroked out trying to restrain myself from responding.
For instance, I could have said, "Dude, you are aware that Brazil has a tax-funded universal health care system, right? Maybe you should try Canada instead. Oh, wait..."
I could have said, "For a member of a party that claims to have the monopoly on patriotism and loving America, you guys sure do jump ship the second things don't go exactly your way. Perhaps you and Rush Limbaugh could car pool south of the border. If your big, fat heads will fit in one vehicle, that is."
Sigh. I really have to have a talk with myself about proper conduct.
Amy, Amy, there's no need to resort to pointing out the big, fat-headedness of those you disagree with. That's not helpful.
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| "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?" |
So I'm trying something new. I'm following the lead of The Great Chris Talley™ (who is, incidentally, also a kind and compassionate, though no less enthusiastic, Alabama football fan who doesn't engage in trash talk). The Great Chris Talley™ responded thusly:
"I don't know much about Brazil's political system, but if you feel like they have something better to offer you then props to you for making such a bold move. It is a beautiful place and it sounds like a pretty badass adventure."
And when the person then responded with a rant about going to a job he hates everyday for 22 years (Dude, maybe sometime in the last two decades you could've looked for a new job if you hate that one so much?) and complained about his tax dollars going to food stamps - "Food stamps????really?????hahahah what a joke!" he wrote - Chris did not respond as I would have, with sarcasm and barely contained disdain - Yes, dude, you are so right. Fighting hunger is the absolute worst thing we can do with our tax dollars. We should really spend more money on executing people in Texas.
Nope, The Great Chris Talley™ wrote:
"I hear you, really. I seriously don't like working either, but it's necessary until I find a better option. My stance is that I see taxes as the price I pay for living in a civilized society. I would love to see our tax dollars used more wisely, but I am a big fan of a lot of the things our taxes finance. The fact that I have to pay them has never really bothered me. But I do get where you're coming from."
The dude is coming from Shreveport where all the assholes I know live.
Oops, sorry. See, my restraint isn't quite fully in place yet. And, trust me, I am fully aware that there are PLENTY of assholes in Birmingham. It's just that, as someone who moved here and got to start fresh with the friend-picking, I don't actually have to know them.
When a friend of mine - and not a "friend" but an actual real friend who I think is fabulous - wrote something about how the Kool-Aid being served up at the DNC must be delicious, I crafted a response about how it really IS delicious and better than waiting for some of Mitt Romney's bitter, lily-white champagne punch to trickle down into our open mouths. Then I erased it because I think my friend is awesome and I admire the hell out of her. And we simply have different views on some things. That is all.
And this is where I have been the past few months: Constantly reminding myself that I love and admire many people who are registered Republicans. I mean, for Pete's sake, my father-in-law, who I love like a father and who is one of the kindest, most wonderful people I will ever have the good grace to know, used to have a freaking Ayn Rand bumper sticker on his car that read "Who is John Galt?"
I love and admire many people who believe in things that I don't. And maybe they don't understand why I jump up and down in rage when I see the great threat facing the rights of women and gay people, when I see people ignore science. I don't understand them, but it doesn't mean I have to go around jabbing them with my sharp words and my pointed sarcasm.
I joke sometimes that I will "murderize" people with my words. I know how to use them. Words are my weapon of choice. I say what I mean and I mean what I say, but I would never want to be purposefully mean.
I don't want to hurt people I love and I don't enjoy ugly arguments. They make my stomach hurt. I worry for hours afterward about hurting someone's feelings. And I don't think that my sarcastic bull shit is ever going to change someone's beliefs even if it makes me feel so much better to type it up sometimes.
I do truly believe people of intelligence, people who actually read more than one news source and seek out facts and look beyond propaganda on both sides, can have reasoned discussions about the issues that face us as a nation. But, no, I don't think there is a place for extremists who whine about "socialism" or how God is going to punish America for any number of things that have been going on since the dawn of time. I don't think there is a place for people who have the audacity to "warn" us that one presidential election is going to plunge this nation into a "thousand years of darkness." Please calm the fuck down, Mrs. Chuck Norris.
Oops.
OK, let me try that restraint thing one more time.
My Pretend Boyfriend
I did.
I squealed with delight.
I don't have to see his face to feel happy. But I'm going to post a photo of it here anyway.
This renews my very strong feeling that an audiobook of George Clooney reading a bedtime story would sell like hot cakes. Strike that. It would sell like copies of that (ridiculous, poorly written, absolute bull shit) Fifty Shades of Grey.
Something Wonderful
If you have 15 minutes or so - and, just admit it, it's Friday and you are going to waste far more than 15 minutes today when you should be working - you should re-glue your mustache and get ready to laugh. I want to work on the crew of Parks & Recreation so badly. I know making a television show isn't easy, but bloopers always make it look like it's the absolute best job to ever exist.
Something So Wrong
In related news, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are getting divorced.
Dammit, people. I think marriage is for suckers, and I don't know these people at all, but I really did like to think these suckers would make it work.
Happy Friday everyone. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
And, if you happen to catch me jumping into the crap pool, please forgive me. I am only human and exercising restraint is hard, y'all.
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