29-Day TV Challenge: Saddest Character Death

Today is the last day of this blog challenge. Isn't that sad?

No. It's not sad. I'm tired of talking about television. Let's get back to talking about things of great importance like me, my book, other books, my angry rants, George Clooney, me and George Clooney.

So today's post is all about the sadness caused by the death of a character on a TV show. This is a tough one. I was pretty broken up that one time when this happened:

But I'd have to say the saddest character death happened on ER.

Once Mark Greene was gone (and Doug Ross was already gone), I stopped watching ER as faithfully.

Now, here's a photo of Dr. Doug Ross to cheer you up on this very sad day.

And this concludes the 29-Day TV Challenge. I think we've all learned a little bit about ourselves this month, haven't we?

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29-Day TV Challenge: Current Zombie Show Obsession

A couple of weekends ago, my son and I had a marathon viewing of The Walking Dead. Now I can't wait for a new episode.

Which is weird because I hate horror movies and I hate guns. I also cannot bear watching people get shot in the head. It makes my chest hurt. I have to be on my guard so I don't accidentally see too much of that sort of thing. I tend to cover my eyes a lot while watching this. I also yell at the screen and shriek quite a bit.

This TV show has turned me into one of those people who yells warnings at the screen in the movie theater.

Just a few notes:

I want Shane to get eaten by a pack of zombies as soon as possible.

I hate Andrea.

And there is no question, if we were in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, I would freaking swallow those abortion pills and I would not throw them back up. Give me a damn break.

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29-Day TV Challenge: First TV Show Obsession

This. For sure.

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29-Day TV Challenge: Best Pilot Episode

The Sopranos introduced a mob boss and his family, taking all the conventional ideas about mobsters and shaking them up. We meet Tony Soprano. We see him doing the things we expect, like chasing down a gambler and kicking the shit out him. The Sopranos, beginning with its pilot episode, had a way of making the violence seem funny at first and then it would make sure you didn't forget this manner of running a "business" was sick and horrible.

Then we see that Tony is a man who enjoys watching the ducks in his pool. When the ducks leave, Tony has a panic attack.

We see him with his new psychiatrist, Dr. Melfi. We see his resistance to therapy, his way of dealing with women (he calls her "hon"). We see his sadness beneath the surface of his bravado. We see a human being. Tony is just like us. He's sad. He has issues with his mother. He puts up a front to make it through the world he was born into. He stresses over his job. It's just that his job happens to be that of a mob boss.

During his session with Dr. Melfi, Tony praises the idea of the strong silent type, like Gary Cooper.
"See what they didn't know is once they got Gary in touch with his feelings, they wouldn't be able to shut him up," Tony tells her.

We meet the family, in all their foul-mouthed glory.

The Sopranos' pilot episode set the stage for one of TV's most excellent dramas. It never deviated from the tone it set with its fabulous first episode. 

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29-Day TV Challenge: OMG WTF Season Finale

I've already mentioned this episode of Lost here but, in recent memory, "Through the Looking Glass" is the season finale that left me saying, "HOLY CRAP! WHAT?!" In fact, I think I texted that exact sentence to my friend Todd when he was recently watching the entire series for the first time. I said, "As soon as you finish the season 3 finale, call me!"

Spoiler videos ahead.

First this happened:

And then, on a show known for its flashbacks, this happened:

God, it was fantastic.

I do not care if the last season of Lost disappointed people. The show was amazing. You could tell the writers were actually trying to DO something interesting and meaningful and more intelligent than the 99 pounds of crap that we see shoveled on network television most of the time.

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29-Day TV Challenge: A Show You Plan on Watching (Old or New)

Something old: The Wire

Something new: Awake

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29-Day TV Challenge: Best Quote

This...

Runners Up:

These aren't necessarily great speeches or amazing quotes, but they are the lines that stick in my head and that I say most often around the house.

Speaking of Designing Women, I sing this song a lot. Don't judge me.

A little something from my spirit animal...

My favorite response to a break up ever...

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29-Day TV Challenge: Most Annoying Character

I f*cking hate Dynomutt.

Dear Blue Falcon, 
You are a millionaire. Buy a new robot dog that isn't the world's biggest idiot. 
Sincerely, 
Me (30 years ago)

No, I haven't watched Dynomutt Dog Wonder in three decades, but the hatred has stayed with me, boiling hot and always right there under the surface of my daily life.

Damn you, Dynomutt. Damn you to hell.

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Series Finale

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Ship

Favorite ship? What? Like the ship from The Love Boat?

Or is "ship" short for relationship? Because I am not on board (no pun intended) with that bull shit. Is it so hard to say relationship or type out the word? I think not. I'm so sick of young people and all their misspellings and unnecessary abbreviations and text messaging shorthand.

And, while we're at it, get off of my lawn!

Sorry. Back to the point of this post: Favorite TV relationship.

I can't think of a romantic relationship. I think this is because TV shows tend to ruin romances (Ross and Rachel, for instance -- I'm telling you, those people did NOT even like each other for most of that show and they definitely didn't love each other at the end).

I realized the other day that what I really like are multicultural bromances.

Here are my faves:
Troy and Abed from Community.

AND
Gus and Shawn from Psych.

Here's a little video of Troy and Abed:

And one of Gus and Shawn:

Honorable Mention: J.D. and Turk from Scrubs

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Kiss

I googled "Best TV Kiss" to see what scenes other people found memorable. There are plenty of mentions for Ross and Rachel on Friends, but I never really liked the Ross and Rachel thing, not by the end of the series anyway.

There are mentions for Sam and Diane on Cheers. That one was definitely memorable and is probably one of my favorites.


Sam: You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met.
Diane: You, Sam Malone, are the most arrogant, self-centered son of a...
Sam: SHUT UP. Shut your fat mouth.
Diane: Make me.
Sam: Make you? My God, I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna bounce you off every wall of this office.
Diane: Try it and you'll be walking funny tomorrow. Or should I say funnier.
Sam: You know, I always wanted to pop you one. Maybe this is my lucky day.


Diane: You disgust me. I hate you.
Sam: Are you as turned on as I am?
Diane: More.

But my all-time favorite TV kiss is not from a series. It's from the MTV Movie Awards in 2005. Hey girl. 

Honorable Mention: 

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29-Day TV Challenge: Best Cast

This is a tough one so I think I'll cheat and go with five, one overall winner, one past and one current from a drama; and one past and one current from a comedy. I know. Sorry. Don't make me choose.

Overall winner:

Psych

I seriously love Gus and Shawn. I want to answer the phones at their psychic detective agency. Never mind, I wouldn't want to be stuck at the office. I want to go with them as they investigate their cases. Jacob said once, "Mom, you're always so happy when we're watching this show." That's because, above all, I love silliness. So, just for making me happy, Psych wins.

Only 11 days until Psych starts again. 

and this:

Past Drama:
ER. Come on, you knew I was going to pick this, right?
It's not just because of George, I swear. ER was fantastic and it was due, in large part, to the stellar casting.

Current Drama: Mad Men (It is current, right? It is going to come back sometime, isn't it?)
This show is amazing and, again, I think it's due in part to the excellent job of casting. There isn't a false note in the show. Even January Jones, who sucks in pretty much everything else, is excellent as Betty Draper.

Note: I really miss Salvatore Romano. They should bring him back. The other problem? Too many white folks.


Past Comedy: The Mary Tyler Moore Show
I love this show so much. I love Mr. Grant. I love Mary. I love Sue Ann. I love Murray. I love Ted. I love them all.

Watch this:

Present Comedy: Community
I love this show. I love Troy. I love Abed. I love Shirley. I love Britta. I love Annie. I love Dean Pelton. I love them all.

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Title Sequence

For coolness and excellent song choice, this one wins for me: 

There's also this. It gets across so much in a few seconds. 

Runners Up (Nostalgia Edition): 

And finally, this one. Fall down, Carrie, fall down! 

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Miniseries

I can't think of one. I remember watching V as an 11-year-old kid and being shocked - SERIOUSLY SHOCKED! - when the female alien unhinged her freaking jaw to eat a rodent. Eek!

But that's really all I remember about it. (I love that the description for this YouTube video is "the part that freaked me out as a kid." I'm glad I'm not alone in this.)

So this is just going to be a confession piece.

Here are all the acclaimed miniseries I haven't seen:

Lonesome Dove. I did read the book when I was in college. Still, I know my friend Todd is going to be very disappointed in me.

The Thorn Birds. Again, I read the book.

Pride and Prejudice (the one starring Colin Firth). I know. I know. I really do want to see it. At least, I've read the book.

Roots. Borrowed the book from my mom. Um...It's sitting on my bookshelf.

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29-Day TV Challenge: Guilty Pleasure Show

Normally, I say guilt is a wasted emotion, much like regret and worry and embarrassment.

However, I feel very guilty about the time I spend watching Sex and the City.

If I'm watching it and Jacob walks in the room, I change the channel quickly. Not because the content is inappropriate (though, of course, sometimes it is) but because, if I don't, Jacob will say, "You're watching this show AGAIN?!"

Stop SATC-shaming me, kid!

Now that the re-runs air on E! and Style Network, it's become a bit of a go-to show for me, background noise for when I'm sitting on the sofa reading or surfing the 'net on a lazy weekend. (Note: Almost all my weekends are lazy.)

I'm embarrassed by the number of times I've seen certain episodes, because I'm pretty sure I could have finished writing several more books beyond my memoir if only I hadn't wasted time watching Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha rent that beach house where Charlotte got crabs or if I hadn't watched Berger act like a big ol' baby and break up with Carrie on a post-it note.

I have a particular problem denying myself the pleasure of watching the episodes of the final two or three seasons. Whenever the re-run schedule cycles around to those shows (this seems to take about a month), I'm right there, ready to watch Carrie and Big having an affair, ready to watch poor Aiden leave that dumb bitch again, ready to watch Carrie in Paris crying about how she'd rather be there with Big.

It doesn't matter that I know that Carrie and Big have the worst, most unhealthy relationship, that the show is nothing if not an example of just how dumb women are willing to be for one selfish asshole, how people often mistake excitement and drama for love. Doesn't matter. I simply cannot resist this episode:

Sadly, now I can cite a scene from the series to relate to pretty much any relationship issue you might be having. Go ahead. Try me.

The other day, a dear friend was talking about how hard dating is, how no one wants her.

I said, "There is absolutely someone out there who wants you. You just haven't found each other yet." (I'm very optimistic when it comes to other people's love lives.)

"Then where is he?!" she said.

So, of course, right that instant I sent her this YouTube clip via email.

I know my brain could be filled with way more useful information, but instead I have packed it full of pop culture references. I feel so guilty about this because I know, had I not done this, I'd have been able to find a cure for the world's biggest problem: stupidity.

It's important to note that I think the movies based on the series are horrible. In fact, I think the first movie could not have been any more joyless had they killed off Big before the wedding fiasco. I WISH they'd killed off Big.

The second movie? I've seen better YouTube videos starring Littlest Pet Shop animals. Even with some little girl's hands appearing on the screen to move the plastic animals around, the video is STILL more believable and relatable than anything in the second SATC movie.

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Female Character

Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) on 30 Rock.  

Huffington Post described Liz Lemon as "the heroine of every bespectacled, sweats-wearing, junk-food-noshing, boy-chasing, pop-culture-loving, smart-girl nerd everywhere."

Um, I don't wear glasses.  That is all.

Liz Lemon is my spirit animal. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

1. She has a pretend boyfriend (Astronaut Mike Dexter) with whom real men can never compete.

2. She rolls her eyes a lot.

3. She's a fan of Oprah.

4. She hates the word "lovers."

5. She refuses to let Valentine's Day win.

Here's a sampling of more great quotes:


"I'm not one of those girls who does weird stuff in bed because they think they have to."


“Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America?”


“Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? [pointing thumbs at self] This moi.”

How you doin?

"Here’s one, when I was a kid, I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and I would sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat.”


"My heart’s pounding like I’m watching Oprah’s farewell season."


"Ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory." 

Runners Up:

Lauren Graham as anyone on any show.

Bea Arthur as Dorothy on The Golden Girls

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Male Character

Detective Elliot Stabler from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Don't make me come over there and handcuff you.

Does anyone even watch the show anymore now that Christopher Meloni is gone?


Stabler's presence isn't just important to network television. It has an impact on silly romantic comedies directed by Garry Marshall. Just look at Runaway Bride.  There's no doubt that is a stupid movie with a ridiculous premise. You know why? Because who the hell would choose Richard Gere over Detective Stabler?

Julia Roberts is such a dumb ass.

Whatever, Richard. You can have her. She's a dumb ass. 

Law enforcement is dirty work, people. So here's a picture of Christopher Meloni taking a shower.

Gratuitous shower pic

The truth is I never had a crush on Stabler only. It's Stabler and Benson together. I had a crush on both of them. I mean, what sort of crazy person wouldn't have a crush on Elliot and Olivia? Now if you'll excuse me, I'm quite certain there's a marathon on USA Network I should be watching. 

"I'm picturing you naked." "It's OK. Everyone does."

Runners Up:

1. Gus and Shawn from Psych 

2. Troy and Abed from Community

3. Vanilla Kitten and Chocolate Bunny from The Story of My Life: The New Mod Squad

4. Sawyer from Lost

5. And this guy...

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29-Day TV Challenge: Favorite Childhood Show

I didn't even have to think about this one.

Little House on the Prairie.

No doubt about it.

I spent too many afternoons to count watching this show. In elementary school, on days when we were supposed to dress as literary characters, I dressed as Laura Ingalls. Every. Single. Time.

I wished I could call my parents "Ma" and "Pa." I wanted to sleep in a long nightgown and a nightcap in a loft.

I wanted to travel in a covered wagon. I have no doubt it was uncomfortable but it seemed so cozy and cool, to sit under that fabric covering surrounded by your family's worldly belongings while you set out for a new life.

I wanted to watch my Pa build a log cabin. If you're lucky these days, you can watch a guy build a high score on some Xbox game. In my Little House on the Prairie books, I read about people who built houses and towns and entire lives with their own two hands.

I still have a stack of the books on my bookshelves. Little House in the Big Woods. Little House on the Prairie. By the Shores of Silver Lake. Little Town on the Prairie. The Long Winter. These Happy Golden Years.

When it came to the show, I wanted Michael Landon to be my dad and I wanted a cute nickname like "Half Pint." I still want that.

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29-Day TV Challenge: A Show That Disappointed You

The Killing. 

Who killed Rosie Larsen?

I don't freaking know and I don't freaking care anymore.

Screw you, AMC.

So? When can I expect to see you again? I mean, not that I care. But are you coming back? Whatever. You suck.

 Jerk.

Call me.

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29-Day TV Challenge: A Show You Thought You Wouldn't Like But Ended Up Loving

Based on the silly title alone, I thought Cougar Town had a big chance of being stupid. It's not. It's hilarious and pretty damn joyful. I like shows that make me feel happy or make me want to hang out with the people (like Psych on USA).

I also like shows that have tons of silly running jokes and phrases you can bust out randomly around the house. Penny can!

Also, if you want a peek into what my relationship is like with my son, you can watch Jules (Courteney Cox) and how she interacts with her son, Travis. That's pretty much it. Sarcasm is the official language of our household. Learn it or leave.

Here are some clips from the upcoming season which starts Tuesday:

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