What's Your Score?

Imagine this scenario: You are on a second or third date with someone and he asks you for your credit score.



According to a trend piece on Today this morning, asking for a potential mate's credit score is the new thing in dating. (You can watch the clip on Today.com. Scroll until you find the video from 9:15 am).

If you read Gary Shteyngart's Super Sad True Love Story, then you probably immediately thought of his satirical novel. In the novel, women wear Onionskin jeans. (Kim Kardashian has already helped usher in this harbinger of the apocalypse). If you go out in public, you can immediately see on your "Apparatus" (iPhones have nothing on this thing) the reactions of the people around you as they weigh in on your hotness, personality, and "fuckability."  The Apparatus also monitors your heart and blood pressure. It calculates your attraction to someone else based on your personal history.

Telephone poles have been replaced with credit poles. As you pass it, your credit score is transmitted to it by your Apparatus (required to be on your person at all times) and flashes on a display for everyone to see.

As the official Web site for the book reads, the near future is "let's say next Tuesday."

According to Today, there now are dating sites that are based largely on revealing and asking for credit scores of potential dates.

One man, interviewed while working out in a gym - do you even lift, bro? - said fiscal responsibility was sexy. He needs to know if a date has the credit score required to build a life with him.

Is this really what we're doing now?



What about all the other areas of compatibility? Shall we just go ahead and get all those questions out of the way on date #2 as well?

Penis measurements? (Did someone tell you size doesn't matter?)


Do you have hair on your back?

How much money is in your savings account?

Do you have a 401k?

Do you listen to Nickleback?

Do you have mommy issues?

What were your last 20 searches on Google?

Do you have a family history of diabetes? Do you pronounce it "the dia-beet-us"?

What questions would you like to ask upfront?

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Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. (Part Deux)

Alternate headline: Attention whore whores for attention

Can we please talk about how two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse are already here and they are butt cheek #1 and butt cheek #2?

What the hell is this woman wearing?

Do you see what I see?

Yes, what we are seeing is Kim Kardashian's ass crevasse.

Why?

I honestly don't understand what's happening here.

If you've read Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart, then you know his novel, set in the not so far off future, features just this sort of fashion:

"We wended our way through a half-kilometer of racks and hit upon the Onionskin outlet... Women, tired and aggrieved, were plowing through the brand's signature transparent jeans, hanging like rigid, empty skins in the center of the Retail space."

As I did a little searching I found a reference to a 1954 work by Philip K. Dick titled Sales Pitch. In one scene a couple is talking about going out for the evening.

"I'll put on my new plastirobe, the one I've never had nerve enough to wear."
Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she hurried into the bedroom. ""You know the one I mean? When you're up close it's translucent but as you get farther off it becomes more and more sheer until -"

"I know the one," Morris said wearily. "I've seen them advertised on my way home from work..."

Here's the thing about predicting the future: All you have to do is presume that everyone is going to be unbelievably stupid. We are Idiocracy.

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