amy bickers: Cranberry Red Tuesday

Today, the fourth Tuesday of January, is Cranberry Red Tuesday. Why? Because I said so. On this Tuesday, we're all going to be happy as opposed to yesterday when you were supposed to be depressed. And, when you're in a good mood, what's better than singing loudly in the car?

These are all songs I cannot resist singing along with in the car.

1. "Mr Blue Sky" by Electric Light Orchestra
If Kate, Jacob and I had a family theme song, this would be it. On car trips, we always sing this really loudly at least once, usually more than once, sometimes three times (depends on how long the trip is).

2. "Closer to Fine" by The Indigo Girls
I have no singing talent. That's the magic of The Indigo Girls. Somehow I sound incredible when I'm accompanied by a guitar and two lesbians.

3. "Get Back" by Ludacris
OK, so this song sounds a little more angry than happy, but it sure feels good to sing it in the car.
"Beep, beep, woot, woot, why you all in my ear?"

4. "Freedom! '90" by George Michael
As the young folks say now, THIS IS MY JAM. Back about a million years ago, or maybe just 20, I used to play this as often as possible on the jukebox at BJ Country in Bossier City. Even 20 years later, this song is still excellent. Plus, the video reminds us of a better time when supermodels were actually super.
"When I knew which side my bread was buttered, I took the knife as well."

5. "100 Days, 100 Nights" by Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings
When you're singing in the car and fantasizing about how you're up on stage performing before a crowd that includes all your ex-boyfriends and all their girlfriends or wives who aren't as awesome as you (don't pretend you don't do this), it helps if you sound like Sharon Jones. And it's your fantasy so, hell yes, you totally sound like Sharon Jones.

6. "Paris (Ooh La La)" by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
When I'm not pretending to be Sharon Jones, I'm pretending to be Grace Potter.

7. "Rockstar" by Miley Cyrus
OK. Sometimes I'm Hannah Montana. Oh, shut up.

8. "Drive My Car" by The Beatles
Rubber Soul is my favorite Beatles album. And "Drive My Car" is one of the world's most perfect pop songs. Period.
"I got no car and it's breaking my heart
But I've found a driver and that's a start"

9. "Linger" by The Cranberries
Best friend and my personal blog consultant Tina Rollman pointed out that any decent Cranberry Red Tuesday playlist should include a song by The Cranberries. Unlike when I sing along with an Indigo Girls song, when I sing along with The Cranberries, I still sound like crap. But who cares? It's my car and I'll sing if I want to!

10. "Forever in Blue Jeans" by Neil Diamond
Not only is today Cranberry Red Tuesday, it's also the 70th birthday of the amazing Neil Diamond. I love his songs. They take me back to childhood and make me think of my wonderful grandparents.

Bonus: "Elmo wants a lemonade"
No, this isn't a song, but this video cracks me up. Doesn't matter how many times I see it. "That video is so old, Mom," Jacob said. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD IT IS, SON! Elmo ordering Taco Bell is AWESOME. It always makes me giggle and everyone knows giggling makes any day of the week better. And Elmo is red, so there's that.

If none of these work for you, here's something cranberry red that will make you happy.

Have you heard? Today is the most depressing day of the year. Some psychologist said this in 2005 so that a travel agency could use it as part of a publicity campaign. According to the press release this agency sent out, the third Monday in January is the "perfect storm" of Christmas bills, hideous winter weather, and failed New Year's resolutions.

Hello, Amy? I'm blue without you.

Important Note: The Perfect Storm isn't perfect without my boyfriend George.

Much like Valentine's Day, Blue Monday is total bull shit. Nevertheless, the media likes to report on it each year as if it's not total bull shit. The theory that this is the most depressing day of the year is based on a mathematical equation that makes as much sense as this one I just made up:

(Amy Bickers + George Clooney) x Numerous tropical vacations - Stacy Keibler = World Peace and Happiness for Everyone in the Whole Wide World

Never mind. My equation makes total sense.

Side note: Psych returns in February. Set your DVR, fools.

But who cares if it's all pseudoscience? Let's celebrate this wonderful, made up, fakey-fake day of psychological pain by bemoaning our fates whilst listening to a moody playlist (and using old-fashioned words like "whilst").

In honor of Blue Monday, I'm going to share with you my "Sorry for Myself" playlist. I created it more than two years ago. According to iTunes, I have listened to the songs on this playlist more than 100 times during the last two years. I honestly thought it would have been more.

The only song that rivals the songs on this playlist for most plays is "Get Back" by Ludacris. "Get Back" is like the other side of a heavy coin called Grief. I carry this coin in my pocket. Sometimes I take it out and flip it into the air. Heads? Pouty-mouth, pity music. Tails? Potty-mouth, "bitch, please" music.

On this Blue Monday, do you want to feel all moody and down? Do you want to spend the day hatin' on shit? Then this is the soundtrack for you, my friend.

Hit "play" and let's get to boo-hooing.

Just remember that tomorrow is Cranberry Red Tuesday. Yes, I just made that up. I can do that because I once took a psychology class. Also, cranberry red matches the color on this excellent image of Ludacris.

On Cranberry Red Tuesday, you must get the hell out of bed and get busy living. Then order a copy of my book: Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dying: Your Guide to Being Blissfully Happy While Stealing Quotes From Morgan Freeman Movies.

Today is still Blue Monday, though, so feel free to moan and groan and harmonize with Joni Mitchell to your pitiful heart's delight. Enjoy!

SORRY FOR MYSELF PLAYLIST
1. "Sideways" by Citizen Cope